A day trip with the Yashica FX-3 and Rollei Infrared 400.

I've officially been freed from house arrest since Friday and on Sunday I took a trip with my buddy to the woods and walked down town for a while.

I've barely shot this year, January and February were too cold for me and I was ill during those months often. March was filled with a few days of the X-Pro 2 and then work on my house started and I ended up with a Bronica SQ-Ai and a 135W pano back. Over the last 80 or so days, the new X-Pro 2 and all my other cameras were abandoned while I had fun with the Bronica on the few days I could get to leave the house.

So with new found freedom, I went back to some old gear. My Yashica FX-3 Super 2000 and decided to try out an infrared film that's been sitting in my fridge waiting to be used. Not owning an R72 filter, I was really unsure on how to shoot it, forgetting about the IR focus scale on my lens (though that seemed to be pointless without a filter).

Some of the results were flawed due to my lack of light and lack of a steady hands but the shots that did turn out right were real nice.  As always, no quality is guaranteed.

I found the grain to be quite pleasing and it's relatively sharp too. I'd really love to shoot a bit more of this but I'd have to cough up some money for an R72 filter first. I still have a roll of 135 and 120 to shoot later, but we'll see if it makes an outing again.

Anxiety can be crippling, when you're a cripple.

So, since March 9th I've been part of Edinburgh City Council's kitchen and bathroom upgrade program. Since March 9th, I've spent approximately 12 hours total outside my house.

Not only do I now have my regular pain management and anxiety to deal with, but I get to wait in every, single weekday for the work to be completed. Nothing has happened in over a week now and you'd think it's safe to leave.
It's not safe to leave. Not when you have anxiety. Some things can make anxiety worse, being isolated for 5 weeks is one of them.

Leave the house, it's easy. Just go to the doctors. It all sounds so easy. Yet I feel trapped in my own house and when I'm in the outside world.

"Just go to the doctors". I;m anxious to go to my current doctor after my last visit over a year ago. I'd rather live in pain than suffer that again. Now I want to switch doctors but can't write. I phoned up and asked about switching and when I explained I could no longer hold a pen they just said: you can get your friends to do it, or your family"
"friends"
"family"
These are things that people who don't have anxiety have, things that people who can control pain have. I've long since lost those.
When you explain that your family are dead and that you no longer have friends, you ask if they could help you fill in the one to two page short form and they tell you: "If we're not busy, but we have to answer the phones and take enquiries".
Then it strikes you that to be a medical receptionist, you need certain skills. These people certainly don't face anxiety. The NHS isn't cut out for people like me, that's why you don't go.

I've had two posts ready in the last month, and being indoors helped me to write them, but I'm not sure that I can publish them. Anxiety just gets to me.


Anxiety is a fucking curse. Fuck anxiety.

Keith Emerson: The difference between the death and suicide of a star.

The crotch that every man and woman dreams of has passed.

Recently, someone that I admired greatly died. Keith Emerson of The Nice, Emerson, Lake & Palmer chose to commit suicide on the 10th March 2016. Usually I wouldn't talk about something like this, I'd read the news, tear up a bit and rewatch/listen/read some of my favourite works they produced. This time, it hit me but not in the same way. There wasn't that usual sadness that the world had lost a great talent. This time it was suicide.

I'm not saying that Emerson did not have a great talent, he certainly did. I'm saying that this hit home in a very different way. When Robin Williams did the same thing, there was a great sadness. We all knew of his pain he had suffered, the depression and those he left behind. The adorable Zelda Williams we got to see with him in those wonderful Nintendo ads. The man we adored for his great performances.  I related to Williams pain because I have suffered depression throughout my life and my closest family members have too. I understood that in a moment of weakness someone may do that.
If I feel that way about William, why don't I feel the same about Keith Emerson? Why do I feel I have the right to judge someone I admired?

Emerson hit a lot closer to home. In the recent years I have been getting to grips with my life, with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. Emerson had problems with his hands and arms too, muscle and nerve problems, something that I can relate to. Playing his instrument of choice had become harder for him, and I imagine that like myself would also come with extreme pain.
As part of my condition, I suffer extreme pain in my hands, wrists, arms and legs. Crippling, chronic pain that's getting worse and worse every day that I am alive. I used to be able to play the guitar, keyboard. I used to be able to draw and colour, I used to be able to play video games for more than 30 minutes! Life was great and boy, did I enjoy it.
Now I can only play games in 5-45 minute sittings on average a day. Sometimes I can play them for longer. I can play instruments for 5-10 minutes max, then I'm left in extreme pain. I can't draw anymore and I can't even hold a pen. Want to go outside for a walk? I suffer crippling pain, I dislocate my knees. For me, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome robbed me of the things that I enjoy. It's been robbing me of life. Sure, it gets me down but I try my best to do what I can and find a workaround. No matter how hard it gets, I try my hardest to pull through. I'm only 26 years old right now. Maybe I have no right to comment on this at all.

So with that said, I'm disappointed in what Keith did. I'm disappointed in him. He played on some of my favourite albums and songs, his soundtracks were fun to listen to. Those will always be there and I will always admire him because of them. What I won't admire him for is for the choice he made.
I can sympathise with him for not wanting to let fans down, at his inability to do something he loves so dearly. I may not have my own legion of fans, I may not be talented, but I can at least sympathise with his struggles. It's because of this that I can proudly say that I am disappointed in his choice to end his life over this issue.

While his girlfriend has said he may have done this because he was worried about upcoming performances, about disappointing the fans. That comments got to him and he was sensitive. I'm sure fans would have understood him retiring from music and performing. We were all aware of his health issues. We wouldn't have been disappointed in him. His previous output more than made up for his recent performances.

While there's certainly some blame you can put on fans for offhand comments that he should "give up" or "just stop", while you can pin the blame on depression. While you can certainly pin the blame on chronic pain and nerve damage. You can also pin the blame on his moment of weakness.

Someone I admired died this week. Someone I admired for his great strength, talent and even for keeping up his craft when faced with medical problems. Someone who inspired countless people, including Nobuo Uematsu. He made his choice, and the choice was his alone. That doesn't mean that I have to respect the choice he made.

I'll try my hardest to pull through, to go on living. I certainly hope that I never give in to those thoughts and pressures you feel in your darkest moments.

RIP Keith. You lived a great life ;_;7

My first bad experience with eBay pt 1

Some people always used to badmouth eBay to me and I have had an on/off relationship with it since 2009 since I registered my own and current account. I've used it for the "little things" that people buy. Cables, hats, clothes, games, albums, cheap tat and recently when I picked up photography again I started using it to buy cameras and lenses.

Since 2009 I've had not one bad experience with eBay. I've had a near miss when trying to purchase a replacement flatbed for scanning comics in 2011 but thanks to the seller being sensible and having good communication skills a solution was reached near instantly. What was the terrible problem? The seller dropped the scanner while packing the item and sent me an e-mail within six hours of me paying for the item to apologise and refund. There's been the odd item that was lost in the post but almost every seller has quickly sent out a replacement or offered a refund.

I think it's fair to say that with my Amazon boycott going strong for over six months that I've come to like eBay. I hate auctions because of people engaging in bidding wars and I can't be bothered to wait for the item to end. Sometimes items are scheduled to end at odd hours of the day and you have to wonder why people can't just schedule a listing instead. Buy it now is the one area where eBay really shines along with the ability to restrict items only from within the European Union to avoid nasty import fees. There's a few things I'd change about the way it handles searches and tighter regulations on listings but otherwise I enjoy using it.

1 Year on. What's changed?

What a difference a year makes.

Last time I wrote a post here I was still employed and I was starting to have my first real serious issues with Hypermobility/Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

So what's happened? I quit my job, went back to college, completed college, went back again after the summer and dropped out due to illness. I got to see my favourite band perform in my own city and I became a recluse.
I also took up photography again and I get a bit of joy out of it despite being absolutely terrible. I shoot both digital and film and I'll continue to gearfag away until I can't photograph anymore.

I started to boycott Amazon (something that will continue) due to their use of Amazon Logistics.

It's been a really strange year. Who knows what the future holds. I'd like to hope that I can improve my situation a bit by going back outside more and getting back in shape. The EDS/HMS is a big pain but I have to stay positive. More to come maybe.

PAYDAY: TIME FOR GAMES

Or not.

My hand hurts so much today, and all I want to do is play Battlefield 4 until it's time to go to work tomorrow. Maybe another day.

Late night bloggin'

It's half twelve where I am, and I got work tomorrow but that won't stop me from making a long awaited post!

It's currently mid November which means there's just a little over two weeks until I hit 25. There's a lot of interesting things coming out around my birthday and I'm set to claim my inheritance.

I'll also be quitting my job soon, and I'll be free from the trials of working for a few weeks and applying to go back to college. I won't say that I'm scared of the change but I am scared of blowing the money on 6 months of college work that I don't really need. My plan is to go back and upgrade some of my qualifications, while also hoping to get in on a German class.
Hopefully if all goes well, I'll get a part time job or something while studying to save on money, advance into my chosen field and work for a few years before moving to another EU country (If we don't fuck up in 2017).
I'd love to buy a house in the UK/Edinburgh too, but property prices are so high here that I'd own a shit flat in the middle of Glenrothes for almost all my capital. I'd rather save a little over a couple of years making steady withdrawals to own a house somewhere else, If I don't like it I can always move back and rent the property.

I don't imagine I'll have a lot of spare time if I get into college, but if I do:

• I'll be catching up on my backlog (previously updated when I broke my hand) and living the NEET life.
• If I can be bothered I'll continue to post some game reviews, album reviews and some other stuff that I feel like sharing day to day
• I may also start posting some reviews and stuff on Youtube/other sites if I can get over the fear of people hearing my monotonous voice.

It's time for me to embrace life and follow my dream, at the young age of 25. For years my mother wanted my inheritance age lowered, but I disagree and think this is the right time. Thanks to my Aunt I'm finally getting a second chance and there's a way out of the dire situation I've been in for some time.

Here's to the future!

Man, Oh Man, Do I ever have a backlog

I've been looking at my backlog, as I tried desperately to play some games in the past week (after I broke a bone in my hand). This led me to the horrible realisation that:

1. I can't play games with a broken hand.
2. I have a ton of games to actually play, or at least complete.
3. While I can't play games, I may as well make a list of games I need to play.
4. With more time to waste, I may as well make a post about a list of games I need to play

This worked out better than I thought, and I found it hard to hold back and not add every game like I initially planned, as this made me seem like even more of a failure as a human. Just take a look at the stats below and you'll see what I mean.

My "completed list" of games in my backlog.

PLAY SOME MORE DAMN GAMES
AND STOP BUYING GAMES

So, I've added what I can while I wait for my hand to heal. And I'm pretty excited about reclaiming some of these games. After all, It's money that I have spent over the years that has not really went to use, and by playing games I will save money! (maybe not against my electricity bill, but surely towards other pursuits that would take my time and money). After a few years on Steam, and sales, you find your library looking a bit clogged, I'm ashamed that the "Recent" option only shows 122 games!

I've left out a majority of my PC games on Steam that I want/need to play, Since I don't want to increase my failure percentage.

So, What can you do when you've got a massive backlog of games/albums/shows to catch up on, and not enough hours in the day? My solution that's always worked for me is to take a break from the internet for a while. All too often I'll find myself come home from work to find myself making a beeline straight for the bathroom, but only after i've switched my computer on. So, once you've drained the snake, where is there to go? You log in, check your e-mail, check up on a few posts online, and it's been five to ten minutes since you came in the door. You're still in your work clothes, got a dog to take out and stuff to do!

This is the big problem I find, I have "stuff" to do online, this consists of nothing more than not wanting to miss out on anything! This was a big problem that my ex had, Instead of doing important things she would scroll through tumblr all day not wanting to miss out.

I'm as guilty of this as the next person, and it's why I've built up such a backlog. I need to get serious and distance myself from the internet for a while, so that I can get back to doing what I "Enjoy".

Years ago, I was in a different place, I identified as a gamer/nerd/enthusiast, and damn if I wasn't. My life was work, games, hardware. It was a more naive time in my life, where I had less bills or worries, but looking at my life from then to now, not much has changed, apart from the time I spend online desperately hoping I won't miss out on a little thing.

So, There's only one way I can fix this! I need to take back my "life" from the internet, come home and instantly head for something else to do, after all when you come home from work at 6PM, and look at the clock in your system tray to find out that it's 21:55 and you've achieved nothing more than a walk with your dog, You have to wonder what you're doing with your life. Sure, you're listening to music, taking in information, but are you really DOING anything, really ACHIEVING anything? Sometimes what matters most is just a little progress, and at the end of the day all some gamers want is that and a bit of fun.

You can find my backlog here. No doubt, I'll forget to update it, just like my blog/twitter etc, but I'll be happier if only I can score one item off that list!

Changing steam icons in Detail View

Steam Library's flashy new grid view.

Recently Steam have allowed you to set your own banners for non-steam and steam games. This nifty little updated has gotten a lot of people back into emulation and can look pretty nice. 

You can set steam up so the emulator will launch a specific game in the emulator and the grid view library can look great.

In the standard detail view however, you are left with a standard emulator Icon, and any attempts to change it will leave you with a shortcut arrow blocking your icon.

There are two ways to get around this, I'll include instructions for both for completion. When done hopefully your library should look more like the image below.

The first method involves you creating and converting a .bat to a .exe file and launching, This works for most games just fine however it's often incompatible with the Steam overlay.
The second method is done by changing the Icon for the emulator and adding to steam. This works just as any other emulator would when added to steam and works great for taking screen shots or using the overlay.

before using this guide, you'll want to know how make a .bat file and be able to source or make an icon/.ico file.

Adding individual emulated games to steam.

Okay, first off you need to know how to launch a game directly from steam. In the interests of time I'll paste below the instructions found elsewhere on the net. 

To add individual ROM's to Steam:
1. Add the emulator.
2. Right Click > Properties, and rename the emulator to the name of the game.
3. While still in Properties, in the Target field, add the directory of the ROM following the directory of the emulator.
E.G.: "C:\Emulators\Project64.exe" "C:\Games\Nintendo 64\Paper Mario.z64"
3a. For Dolphin, add "--exec=" before the game directory.
E.G.: "C:\Emulators\Dolphin.exe" --exec="C:\Games\GameCube\Super Mario Sunshine.gcm"
4. Restart Steam between every addition of the same emulator. Yes, it's a nuisance, but it has to be done unless you want to make separate .exe's or .bat files.

You only have to restart and follow step 4 if you are not changing the Icon in detail view.

Changing the Icon of a .exe

This method is the best way to have your games launch, you get a custom icon and the steam overlay.

To do this you'll need a piece of software to change icons on .exe files, you can find one here if you need one.
I won't be including the steps of how to change the icon as it's pretty straight-forward, but will walk you through how to copy the files and add to steam. It can be a little messier than the other methods due to copying files/folders for each game that you add however.

1. Copy your emulator's directory/.exe somewhere and change the name
2. Change the Icon of the .exe
3. Add your new .exe to steam
4. Click properties and change the Target like you would before (e.g. "C:\Emu\zsnes\zelda.exe" "C:\Games\Snes\Zelda - A link to the past.smc")
5. Close it and launch the game to make sure it works.

You should now be all done and the steam overlay should launch with games that would support it. You may want to plan out how you'll set up your file/folder structure for this as if you've got a lot of games, you may have 50+ exe files in your emulator's directory. So you may want to copy the directory instead for each new game and rename it, it's all up to you.

Converting .bat to .exe with custom icons.

This method works great if you don't care about the steam overlay and can be pretty handy for creating a single .exe file for your game. It also has the added benefit of only needing one copy of your emulator and a new .exe/bat file for every game you add.
You will need Bat to Exe converter found Here before you begin.

1. Start by creating a new .bat file in notepad or the editor of your choice
2. Paste your target you'll be using into the file (e.g. "C:\Emulators\Project64.exe" "C:\Games\Nintendo 64\Paper Mario.z64") and save as whatever you choose.bat
3. Open up the .bat to .exe converter and select your .bat file and your .ico file that you wish to use (.ico can be specified under the Versioninformations tab)
4. Select where you want your .exe to be saved and the name
5. Hit compile and let it go.

You should now have a shiny .exe with a custom icon wherever you saved it, open it and your game should launch. Add the .exe manually to steam and you're all done.

King Crimson - THRAK, Album Review

So, I'm reviewing something that is not a game, In fact, it's an album, an older album from 1995. It's one of my favourite albums, and If you like Tool, you should definitely listen to this album.

This is a rather lengthy text review. I run through the album track by track, so beware, it's a bit of a read. First though, if you're not familiar with the band, I'll run through a quick history of them, and why I think the album is worth listening to.

A short Intro to King Crimson
King Crimson, are an older band from the late 60's who were one of the pioneers of the prog rock movement. Their album "In The Court Of The Crimson King" is a very respected album, and is considered one of their greatest.

The band changed many times throughout the years, have only three real solid lineups. The classic Fripp/Collins/Wetton/Bruford line-up in the 70's, The Fripp/Belew/Levin/Bruford lineup from the 80's and the Fripp/Belew/Gunn/Mastelotto line up from the mid 90's onwards.


The lineup on THRAK is the first to feature new Drummer Pat Mastelotto and WARR guitarist/bass player Trey Gunn. However, THRAK is a special album as it still retains Tony Levin and Bill Bruford too, adding an amazing lineup of two bassists/drummers.

This was the first album I fell in love with by King Crimson, and it still sound very fresh and heavy today. The tracks contained on it are a wonderful mix of prog rock, classic rock, and are uplifting at times, however, they may also leave you with a chilling feeling. I guess this is why I love it so much. The album is a fantastic varied ride, and it explores almost all of what I love about Crimson.

Track by Track runthrough

The first track of the album VROOOM, starts softly and erupts into a wonderful mix of an upbeat bass line and distorted guitar. It shows the band as what they are, a great group of musicians who produce wonderful instrumental tracks. It sometimes takes a little break and leaves only fripps' wonderful picking, as the bass softly works it way in, to appear again as a twisting riff with full sounding drums. Towards the end of the songs, the drums really take focus as we march into the second track of the album.

"Coda-Marine 475" continues where "VROOM" left off, becoming a twisted assortment of wonderful music. This time however, we are treated to hearing belew speak at us through a filter. he repeats Marine and string of numbers. Throughout the track, we are treated to both Belew and Fripp wailing in the background on guitars...leaving slowly.

Tony Levin, Truely a god amongst musicians.

The third track "Dinosaur" is one of my favourite tracks of all time, starting off with strings, in the same manner as VROOOM. it moves on to a harsh riff played on guitar, and a soft low harsh tone from the bass members. throughout, the bass and drums continue on. At this point, Fripp/Belew's playing takes a more background role, that is somewhat jarring at times. Belew really shines on the track, singing beautifully and from the heart, as he sings the chorus, you will hear the bass play the wonderful melody underneath, following and bending with him. This song is one of most likely to get stuck in your head. There's a few really nice moments with Belew's singing here that make me really respect him as an artist, The song takes a little break in the moment allowing for what I assume to be the mellotron to play with levin on chapman stick or bass, it really slows down quite beautifully and shows the power of having two bass players in a band, especially one as awesome as Levin. The track however crashes back into full force after a few moments of silence, ending beautifully and leading us into the next track)

"Walking On Air" is a beautiful song with soft bass and sweeping guitar, and soft drums. Adrian Belew's voice hear is really beautiful, and it's a nice change from the harsh tones heard on the album so far. Towards the end of the song, you're treated with a lovely solo from Fripp, it slowly relaxes you and moves onto the next track

"BBoom" starts off with a chilling soundscape for the first minute. However, will the soundscape continues, you are treated to some wonderful drums by Bruford and Mastelotto. They both play as the background soundscape groes ever more chilling until the track breaks out at 2:35, with only drums and a chilling low frequency sound behind, you really get the nice feel of two drummers working together to create something special.
It all ends rather suddenly and brings us to "Inner Garden I", a  track that starts with a chilling detuned sounding guitar, with an awesome sad sounding song by Belew. A similar song to walking on air, it's a strange direction it takes the album in. The track ends with belew singing convincingly "Don't leave me alone!" and we are brought to....

"People" the song kicks off with a funky bass riff, and entering funky sound guitar not too dissimilar to "Matte Kudasai (Alternate version)" from their "Discipline" album. it's a really upbeat song and the song most likely to get stuck in your head on the album with it's super catchy chorus. Belew also manages to twist his words in this song, almost fooling you at times. The track has an awesome breakdown in the middle which features wonderful playing from everyone in the band, The bass playing here is really special. A superb track and one of my favourite feel good songs, it even ends with a chilling theme leading into...
"Radio I" a chilling soundscape, short that prepares you for the sadder tone of the next track "One Time". Similar to both "walking on air" and "inner garden" it features belew at his best, with lovely soft guitar, bass and drums, it has a rather chilling soundscape in the centre of the song with a wonderful bass drop or two.

"Radio II" is more of the beautiful but chilling soundscape by fripp, and leads straight into "Inner Garden II", a Continuation of "Inner Garden I" (Well what else did you expect). The song is chilling and beautiful but short...

The album starts to come to a close with "Sex, Sleep, Eat, Drink, Dream", with a funky bass and guitar combo similar to people, with a chorus the same as the title, features a really nice shift between chorus and verses. Belew also uses vocal effects for the chorus that rhymes rather a lot. filled with emotion and a funky, funky theme. The song has a wonderful breakdown and features again a lovely mix of smooth and jarring guitar. The album would be perfectly ended here, BUT~

It continues on with both "VROOOM VROOOM" and "VROOOM VROOOM-Coda" alternate versions of the albums openers, Very nice, and chilling. This is probably the only part of the album that I really don't like too much, however, in the same way the bass really carries through on VROOOM, it does here, and shows how nice it can be to have so many great musicians in a band."VROOOM VROOM-Coda" is a really really twisted version of before, and is the close of the album.

Final Thoughts and why you should listen

The King Crimson of late featuring the new lineup.

The music got very different, and they developed a new sound that you could recognise as them immediately. Compared to the crimson of old, who could be mistaken at times for other prog bands.
I feel this album is a nice change, and is very easy to listen to, for older crimson fans, it takes a slower turn than some of the 80's Crimson. It also starts to show how the band started developing with their new lineup with gunn/mostaletto. 





Unlike some of the other King Crimson albums which had a similar feel to others, THRAK remains an album with a very specific sound of new (2000+) and 80's King Crimson. As for why I mentioned Tool earlier, This album is fairly heavy at times, and is probably the perfect album to listen to first if you like Tool and appreciate the structure of their music. Give the album a shot, and when you find yourself listening to it more than Lateralus, check out the rest of their music, within a year, it'll grow on you without a doubt

Cthulhu Saves The World, now on steam !

The fantastic Cthulhu Saves the World, is now on steam, along with Breath of Death VII. Previously an awesome little game on the indie section of Xbox Live Arcade, The games have been ported to PC with much added content.

I had bought Cthulhu Saves the World on Xbox live arcade when I moved house around 6 months ago, I loved it but did not play too much due to me both working full time, and the platform it was on (I play a lot of PC games usually). When I sold my xbox 360, I regretted not playing it more, However, The game is now available on Steam finally!

The game has a lot of new content for PC including 720p and fullscreen modes, New insane difficulty, Director's commentary, New game mode Cthulhu's Angels, Four new playable characters, New story, New bosses, Unlockable Game Art, Collectable bestiary, Easter eggs, Rebalanced gameplay, Celebrity cameo's and so much more!

So go buy the Super Hyper Enhanced Championship Edition Alpha Diamond DX Plus Alpha FES HD - Premium Enhanced Game Of the Year Collector's Edition (without avatars!) Today at Steam or Gamersgate for the super low price of £1.79 or for both Cthulhu Saves The World and Breath of Death VII at the shockingly good deal of £1.79, Go Here ! If you want to be super awesome, you can buy both of them individually to support the fantastic developers at Zeboyd Games, and their next game.

Hope you guys pick this up. I should have a review and insight into the game later on in the week hopefully. So keep your eyes peeled for more

Maybe I should blog about games?

So, I'm currently unemployed, in between hunting for jobs, I still do one of the things that's kept me happy over the years. I may start some text reviews or let's plays and post them here.

If anyone ever sees this, feel free to suggest games for me to play. I think my first title will be Devil May Cry 4, Since i've not played that game in years ;) so bring on the brooding white haired men in red !